Why would a couple join this lifestyle?
by Eric Nevski
People who for the first time learn about the swinging lifestyle often assume that there has to be something wrong in a relationship within a couple for them to join in. Ironically, the truth is completely the opposite. This lifestyle is ONLY for couples that are happy, committed and secure in their relationships.
So, what makes this lifestyle so special and why does a growing number of modern couples decide to join in? The fact is that there is nothing different about the people who participate in the lifestyle. What's different is the way they go about exploring their fantasies and sexuality.
Sex used to be something that only people who are deeply in love, and most of the time married, were supposed to share. One of the new realized realities of our society today is the fact that most people can now separate love and sex. Sex is becoming something more of a leisure, if you will, rather than an experience shared only with your soulmate. Does this mean that sex is no longer a physical expression of love? Of course - it still is! We still reserve "love making" only for the ones we love. However, the recreational sex is becoming something that can be detached from an actual relationship and enjoyed as an entirely separate activity.
Another new reality of the modern society is the fact that many people do require sexual variety to live a fully enjoyable sex lives. It is not a secret that most modern marriages during its existence are challenge by adultery or end up in divorce. We've all heard the statistics. Does it mean we don't love our partners or don't want them as much sexually any more? Absolutely not! "Different" doesn't mean "better". For example, when one looks at someone of an opposite sex other than his or her partner - it is not in a search for something better. By looking at someone different, we find excitement in exploring their body shapes, moves, sexuality - it's all very new, different and, therefore, exciting. Variety is what makes many people excited and the lust for it is here to stay.
One of the other newly accepted parts of our sex lives are our fantasies. By definition, they are our sexual desires which many times do NOT include our partners ( or at least not JUST them ). Even well recognized sex therapists have concluded that sexual fantasies are healthy and are here to stay as a part of almost any relationship.
So, what are the choices that modern couples face today if they are seeking some variety or spice in their sex lives? Well, there are several options. One is to suppress your feeling and keep going in denial. That is the approach that works on the surface. Everything looks great - you are a traditional "happy" couple who want to be with no one else, but each other. ( Oh, how sweet! ) But the fact of the matter is that you are lying not only to yourself, but also to your partner. By suppressing your feelings you are not getting rid of them, but many times you actually make them stronger. So, there goes the trust and communication that few relationships can survive without. The second choice is something that quite a few people choose to do as a way out - adultery. Even though in this case you do get to satisfy your desires, you once again end up with the absence of those two main ingredients of any strong relationship that we just talked about. The third choice is something that has only been recently discovered by the mainstream couples - swinging. It is a lifestyle that not only keeps the trust and communication between the two partners - it requires both of those qualities to participate.
The swinging lifestyle is about sharing the sexual fantasies together with your partner ("together" being the keyword). This is the lifestyle that can only work for the committed couples that are secure in their relationships and have open and direct communication with each other.
Another misunderstanding about the lifestyle is the myth that swingers are people who screw everyone they meet in the lifestyle and do it as often as they can. That can't be further from the truth! As a matter of fact, most couples are not what's called "hardcore swingers". There are different types of swinging and a couple can select the one that caters to their sexuality the best. You can go only as far as social flirting, light touching with a friendly couple, or you can choose to get sexual with just your own partner while another couple is enjoying each other in the same room. It all depends on how you and your partner want your swinging experience to happen, and you should never go any further that the comfort level that you have set.
There are several kinds of swinging that couples choose to participate in. There is a "traditional" couple to couple relationship, where two couples exchange partners for the sexual activities and sometimes participate in bi-sexual play as well. There are three-way relationships where a couple invites a single male or female to play along with them. Some couples prefer to only swap bi-sexual partners. There are several more types of swinging, and they all are about sharing desires together with your partner and growing from it within your own relationship.
You don't have to jump into the lifestyle by going all the way with the first people you meet. Many couples choose to take it slow while adjusting to the new lifestyle. Some start by looking at others and talking about what they find attractive. Watching adult movies together could be another way to share fantasies and desires before inviting others to join you. Using toys, role-playing, flirting are all ways to explore. It is OK to take your time and in many cases it takes a while from the moment a couple decides to explore to their first sexual encounter.
Even though couples that join the lifestyle are looking to enhance their sex lives and overall relationships, it is also important to make sure not to damage what you already have. Each member of a couple must have a desire to satisfy both of their fantasies and not just their own. If one partner is looking to only satisfy his or her own desires dragging their partner along for the ride, it is a pretty good indication that there is something wrong in a relationship as is. In that case it is strongly recommended not to participate in the lifestyle at all. Your primary relationship with your partner is the most important thing and should be the number one priority throughout your experiences in the lifestyle.
So, make sure to keep the communication gates open between you and your partner at all times and set your pace and rules upfront for the most enjoyable experiences. Happy swinging!