Swingers guide
Must-visit swinger site: San Francisco / San Jose Swinger Personals
Figuring out your pace
by Elizabeth Andrews

Since both of you may not be comfortable with the same tempo, you should figure out the common pace before you play. For many new swingers, sex and swinger sites are the main tools for meeting couples. Sites and couples are plentiful. And rather than jumping into a club scene with 20 naked couples flaunting the goods, the Internet seems to provide a safety net. You and your partner can be as discreet as you want. But there are some things to bare in mind for those of you just starting out.

The preliminary work is easy -- searching the sites, signing up, and completing a profile. You and your partner search the ads and send out some E-mails. In return, you receive messages from others interested in you. Many may not be to your liking. But then, you two discover a couple who fits the bill. Their sexy profile reveals that they're totally in love and interested in 'going slow' and 'getting to know you first' as they contend that sex is 80 percent between the ears. Their pictures are tasteful and sexy. You and your partner write them back.

Later that evening, the prospective couple has replied with a little more information about them. They've included a few X-rated pictures to compliment their G-rated pictures from the first e-mail. You and your partner decide to take some pictures of your own to send to your prospective date.

Wow! This couple has just given you their phone number. With the excitement of meeting someone in a few days, you and your partner are dying to call. But should you? It seems fast.

Keep in mind that this couple probably has far more experience than you and your partner. Review their profile and their e-mails. Experienced couples know that e-mail really can't tell you much about a couple, and talking on the phone is great way to see if your personalities are compatible.

So you and your partner decide to call, and you talk for a good hour on the phone. Everyone gets a chance to chat with everyone! And the personalities click! Before you hang up, you both should be comfortable calling again, and the other couple should feel just as at ease. Remember you're establishing a friendship.

Though by the end of this call, the couple wants to have you over to their house for dinner. Wow, now it seems like they're really moving fast! After one e-mail exchange and a phone call, they want you over. At this point, you both might want to suggest a different venue. Perhaps a restaurant or a favorite lounge will do. This other couple is experienced, and they are more than likely accustomed to entertaining in their home. However, it's probably in your best interest to meet in a 'neutral' location. A genuine couple will respect your boundaries.

And this couple appears to be just that. They agree to your wishes and insist that you and your partner pick the place. Great. Decide where you two will be the most comfortable, and don't concern yourselves with what you think the other couple might like. It's important that the couple gets to know you, and not what you think they prefer. You don't want to establish a relationship with another couple under the pretense of someone you're not. You'll get tired of acting; believe me!

And this is why finding the right couple can be so time-consuming!

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