Swingers guide
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Restraints and fun you can have with them
by Anne Curvey


Being restricted during sex is a huge turn on to many people. Being restricted by someone different from their normal partners can take it over the top. One of my best friends is a lawyer. She is a prosecutor and is very good at what she does. She is inquisitive and can be intimidating if you didn't know her when you meet her for the first time. She is what you can call a very forceful and aggressive female.

I visited her in Southern California a few months ago. While I was at her home I was a bit surprised to find out that she was into the BDSM scene. Not the heavy stuff -just some light restraint type things. She showed me some pictures of her and her boyfriend at a party -- she was all dressed up in full leather attire with a leash and a studded collar around her neck. What I found even more shocking was that she said she was a "slave."

Knowing her like I do, I figured that if she were in this lifestyle, she would definitely be the dominant one. It made no sense to me that she would allow herself to be on all fours saying, "Yes, master." But if that is what makes her happy, I say to each his/her own.

She told me that her and her boyfriend weren't into the heavy stuff like whips and chains, but that she enjoyed blindfolds and being lightly restrained. She also really liked the outfits associated with the lifestyle and showed me a few. She had some interesting toys too -- like handcuffs and soft velvet ties and other restraining devices.

In some ways the whole notion of tying your lover to the bedpost as a way of arousing hi or her seems odd. The association between dominance and rape is troubling to many women as well as some men. But maybe it's not all that weird. Examining your own sexual fantasies may give you some clues about its appeal.

Some of the most common themes in a sex fantasy are to be "taken" by a dominating woman, robber, kidnapper, aliens being in complete erotic control of a stable full of sex slaves. In other words, controlling or being controlled is the bottom line.

In her book, Erotic Power, Gini Scott says that many men who are very dominant in ordinary life (like the high powered corporate movie executives) "may find submission and restraint an erotic release or counter-balance to their everyday behavior." For other men, playing the submissive role is a gateway to the suppressed world of feelings.

For the women I talked to, playing the submissive role and being tied-up is a turn-on because it is a way of relinquishing responsibly for their sexual acts. They have the, "He made me do it!" attitude. That could easily go for the guys as well. Abdicating control and putting your partner in the driver seat is a highly effective way to pass off sexual shame and self-denial. "Well he tied me up and I couldn't do anything but enjoy it." By contrast, playing the dominant role also has its own special appeal, but we won't go there, this article is about restraints.

There are a multitude of different types of restraints you can buy. Restraints for ankles and wrist made of leather, chains, cable wire, rope or pure velvet. Handcuffs are a very popular restraint and if you want to play it cheap, a piece of clothesline or a ripped pair of panties can do the trick.

Being restricted in bed is just not my thing. I tried it -- it doesn't work for me. I like being in control at all times, that's how I like to play. But some ladies love this to the point that they make it apart of their daily sex lives. My friend told me that she liked being restrained on her back, butt naked, with her wrists and ankles tied to her bedpost, while her lover teased and played with her. She said sometimes she fantasizes about was her old high school teacher finding her tied up and taking advantage of her. She said that she has explored many different fantasies and enjoys role-playing with restraints also.

There are quite a few swingers who love to play this way. Many large clubs have a special room set-aside for BDSM play and other light restraints. Swingers can talk it over with other swingers that they meet and should that want to tie up each other partners, they have everything they need right there.

As in all aspects of swinging, communication is important when you play this way with other couples. You have to make sure that when it's time to loosen the ropes, do it immediately with out question. One way of playing with restraints at a swinger club is to tie up a partner to a bedpost and have other swingers in the club come and tickle him or her with a feather or professional tickler. You could even blindfold them and use a soft velvet glove to tease them.

Here are some of the restraints for those of you who would like to take a walk on the wild side:

Wrist Restraints - Suede Lined, Nickel Hardware

Adjusts from 4 to 7.5 inches. Features a nickel-plated small bondo ring and eyelets in strap holes for the heavy-duty chrome look. Strap and base are made of high quality Oil tan leather. The base is lined with soft suede.

Metal Wrist and Ankle Cuffs - Nickel-plated heavy duty locking wrist and ankle cuffs. Includes 4 keys. A great addition to any game of love bondage and restraint!

Arm Binder with Buckle Closure - Arm binder with buckle closure

 
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